Very few people take criticism well. We don't like to be judged. And definitely, we don't like to be found wanting in some way. We want to feel good about ourselves and the work we do. And because each of us has some level of self-doubt, negative or corrective feedback can upset our equilibrium.
But it's important not to let defensiveness and anger be your first reaction to negative feedback. Although the person delivering the feedback may not be particularly good at providing it, it's still a gift.
Whether the criticism is coming from an employee, a colleague or a boss...whether the criticism is accurate or not...and whether it blows your self-image or not, pause before you react.
Allow yourself to notice the emotions you're feeling. You may feel angry or embarrassed or surprised.
After that pause, here are a few more tips to handling the criticism:
1. Be quiet and listen to what is being said, even if you don't agree. Avoid hostile questions and arguments about facts. Listen for both what is said and what is not said.
2. View the feedback in a positive light. Put a positive spin on feedback by referring to it as "Live and Learns" or something that sounds positive.
3. Look for the truth in every message -- their truth as well as your own. Remember, there are two sides to every story, so be sure to think about it from the other person's perspective. In Japanese negotiation, they force themselves to look at all sides of a situation: How am I right? How am I wrong? How is the other side right? How are they wrong? How are we both right and wrong?
4. Ask questions if you're unclear on details
5. Separate the messenger from the message to maintain positive relationships. Don't kill the messenger as they often did in ancient times. Just think about it: Would you rather be the naked king parading through the village because none of your advisers felt safe enough to tell you the truth -- or would you prefer not to embarrass yourself?
6. Make sure your body language is positive or neutral. Don't frown, wrinkle your brows or cross your arms. Use open hand movements and open arms, and don't cross your legs when trying to convey openness. Nod at appropriate times, and provide vocal reinforcers such as, "Uh huh" and "Tell me more..."
7. Convey genuine gratitude. Thank the person for the feedback, and say it like you mean it. It helps if you can follow up with them later to show how you are putting the feedback to use (what you are changing, doing differently, etc.).
8. Wait to decide what to do with the feedback. Separate the act of receiving feedback from deciding what to do with it. Save evaluation and critique of the feedback for later once you've had a chance to think about it and digest it. Request time to follow up.
9. Improve your behavior in a visible way if you decide the feedback is valid (or even partially valid)
10. Don't avoid the messenger. If someone gives you negative feedback, don't let discomfort keep you from interacting with them in the future. Always assume the feedback was given with the best intentions and keep the door open for future feedback.
11. Value people who tell you the truth.
Calmly and graciously accepting criticism isn't always easy. Listening completely without reacting can be downright challenging. But by asking questions, keeping your body language in check and pausing, negative feedback can be positive for you. Be grateful.
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